just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
