Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
