You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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