have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
