i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
