You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
