When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
