i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
