I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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