so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
