The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
