How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
