Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
