What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Randomize
