Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
