my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
