Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
