this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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