Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
