she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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