You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
