i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
