I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
