the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
