Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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