No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
