can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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