my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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