why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
