I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
