the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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