Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
