Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
