Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize