You're a womanizer and a bitch.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
