you win again, gameday.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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