You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
