Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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