Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just high enough for therapy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
