Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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