mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
