First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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