OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
