sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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