This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
