These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
