I want to stick my p in your. b.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
