um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
