Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
