please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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